Friday, September 7, 2012

I DECLARE WAR: 10 Easy Steps For The Best War Game Ever

With the Toronto International Film Festival premiere of I Declare War less than a week away, we're beyond stoked. We're also feeling a little bit like having our own war game out in the woods. How fun would that be, right? And for the rest of our devoted Vanguard followers, if you too were feeling like running around and pretend-killing your friends but just didn't know where or how to begin, never fear! We've compiled a handy-dandy guide to making sure you have the best war game ever.

1) Before you start playing your game, you need to decide what you're playing. And that means you need rules. Yes, yes, rules were made to be broken. But if you don't have any rules for your backyard battle, it will be more of a backyard mass confusion. Is it possible to "die" in your game? What is off limits? What is the ultimate purpose of your game? How will the teams work? Is the meaning of life, everything, and the universe really 42? Make sure everybody understands the rules before you start to play. If you have time, get your mum to write them out on some poster board because mums have the nicest hand writing. 

2) Now that you've got rules, you need to decide where you're going to play. That means boundaries: not just helpful for relationships, but war games too. Make sure to play your game in a safe area that's not too close to any busy roads. You don't want to be that annoying kid who got hit by a car and forced the game to come to an end; you'll NEVER live that down. The size of your playing field will vary depending on how many kids you're playing with or how far you feel like running. 

3) When getting ready for your war game, make sure to pick out the proper attire. Yes, your Pokemon shirt is super snazzy, but it's also bright red, so it won't offer much camouflage whilst in the woods. Borrow your sister's makeup to paint your face--neutral colours only, and no sparkles, jeez--for even more camouflage power. She wears too much anyway. Comfortable footwear is also important, as you will soon be running for your life. 

4) There are plenty of options when it comes to weapons. Before playing, talk it over with your fellow war gamers and decide on a plan of action. Do you want to use your imaginations? Toy guns? Your sister's doll collection? We recommend a combination of a make-shift weapon (say a stick or your annoying neighbour's expensive gardening tools) and your imagination. That way you can imagine your enemy exploding into smithereens. SMITHEREENS!

5) Now that you're all ready to play, your team needs a name. This is mostly just for awesome reasons, but can also come in handy when recording your glorious battle results to inspire future generations of war gamers. Pick something that will instil fear in your enemies' hearts. "Team Awesome" is alright, but "Team Dark Attack Black Ops Murder Time" is even better. 

6) Nicknames are also a great idea. If your mum gave you a super dull name like "Tom", now is the time to christen yourself with a name more worthy of your coolness. Code names are also handy when operating stealth missions. 

7) Make sure to have a home base for your team. This is a safe place where Team Dark Attack Black Ops Murder Time can recoup after missions, have some juice, and re-tie their shoe laces. It's also a good place to store extra weapons and other war games related loot. It is of the upmost importance that the enemy never discovers where your home base it. Guard it with your life. 

8) Unless you're playing some sort of lame version of a war game, there won't be any breaks. That means when you're in the middle of hunting your enemy, you can't just take a cookie break because you're hungry. We recommend packing a small satchel or fanny pack full of tasty treats. Yes, you'll look like a moron, and yes your teammates will make fun of you. But they won't be laughing when you're enjoying the apple slices your mum prepared for you and they're wishing they had a fanny pack full of tasty treats of their own. How do you like THEM apples?!

9) Sometimes, there are certain reasons you might need to pause the game. We already know snacks is NOT one of them. But an injury or iCarly coming on TV or your mom yelling, "If I have to call your name one more time, you are SO grounded!" are appropriate reasons. If you come across an enemy claiming to be injured, make sure it isn't a trap before approaching. Enemies are sneaky like that. 

10) Crying. Just like in baseball, there's no crying in war games.

Once you've returned from glorious battle, celebrate your victory by going to one of the I Declare War screenings. See you there, Lieutenant. 

I DECLARE WAR Screening Times:
Sun., Sept. 9th, 4:15 PM SCOTIABANK 4
Tue., Sept. 11th, 2:00 PM CINEPLEX YONGE & DUNDAS 10
Fri., Sept. 14th, 9:45 PM SCOTIABANK 4

No comments:

Post a Comment