Showing posts with label Chicken. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chicken. Show all posts

Sunday, September 20, 2015

The 2015 Vanguard Mascot Battle Winner!


It's that time again. The time when the most coveted award in all of TIFF is up for the taking.

We are talking about, of course, Vanguard Mascot Battle, in which several people, insects, animals and even inanimate objects compete for the coveted title of Official Vanguard Blog Mascot.

We're coming at you all the way from England to announce the winner. Since the Giant Novelty Pencil from the Keswick Pencil Museum from Ben Wheatley's Sightseers (GNP for short) is from England, it only made sense for me to be here so I could pay tribute to GNP before passing the torch/crown/what was it again? to the new winner. Okay, fine, I moved here for realsies, which is why you didn't see me around on the Vanguard Blog much this year. I've been busy planning out my road trip to the Pencil Museum, and other British things. Sad news bears, most definitely, but not even an ocean could keep me away from the Vanguard Mascot Battle!

My steadfast blogging colleagues (blogeagues?) graciously allowed me to do the honours of announcing the final winner and I promise you it isn't a pencil or anything remotely British. Like Paddington Bear, because that would just be silly. I did seriously consider making it a marmalade sandwich, though.

So who's it going to be? That chicken is looking like he could easily take Joe Swanberg and Bruce McDonald's cowboy hat. Have you ever seen a chicken fight? Has anyone in this family ever seen a chicken? They fight mean, man.


Then again, we can't ignore the fact that Joe Swanberg is definitely more flexible than GNP and even had a burger named after him. Basically we all want to be Joe Swanberg, but is that enough to reclaim the title of Vanguard Mascot?



And Bruce McDonald's hat—we don't have to say anything else about that because it's Bruce McDonald's hat. Duh.



Unfortunately, as with most things in life, like Highlander, there can only be one. So without further ado, may we present to you this year's Vanguard Mascot Winner:


*drumroll please*





Mads Mikkelsen's Moustache! 

AKA the Madstache.

Maybe you're all like, "Huh?" But don't deny it: in this picture of the chicken, you found yourself strangely drawn to the Madstache. It's the allure of the Madstache. The essence of the Madstache. The power of the Madstache. That's just what it does.



That and beat out cowboy hats and chickens and Joe Swanberg for coveted titles! Wham, bam, thank-you ma'am. And the children rejoiced.

That's a wrap for this year! We're already eagerly anticipating who—or what—will de-throne this glorious Madstache next year. It's gonna be good. Joe Swanberg, you have a year to grow a mustache that rivals the Madstache. God speed.


Saturday, September 19, 2015

Vanguard Mascot Battle Contender #3

Pew! Pew! Pew! Splosions! Wonder!


It's that time again. The time when the most coveted award in all of TIFF is up for the taking.

We are talking about, of course, Vanguard Mascot Battle, in which several people, insects, animals and even inanimate objects compete for the coveted title of Official Vanguard Blog Mascot.

Our final contender is going to have some rough competition with the chicken and Once and Future Vanguard Mascot Joe Swanberg.

The chicken has all the powers of a chicken and a pedigree traceable to the age of the dinosaurs. Joe Swanberg has all the powers of being a good sport and probably deserving better than being drawn into our Mascot Battle, but he probably doesn't know since he's directing/acting in/producing fifty movies simultaneously right this moment. But that doesn't detract from the might of our next contender...



Name: Iconic Director Bruce McDonald's Iconic Cowboy Hat.

Also Known As: Bruce McDonald's Cowboy Hat; "Man, what a sweet hat."

Description: Straw cowboy hat, well-worn, with a lot of character.

Strengths: Protecting from the sun's glare and other bright lights; Preventing sunburn on the scalp; Looking pretty sweet; Biding.

Weaknesses: Strong winds; Possibly moths or carpet beetles; Definitely goats; Being inanimate.

See how happy the cowboy hat makes Bruce McDonald? We could all be this happy.

Signature Moves: Setting; Being cocked; Reblocking; Going really well with a men's shirt with a floral design, especially if it's embroidered by one's pa.

Why Bruce McDonald's Cowboy Hat would make a good replacement Vanguard Blog mascot for the Giant Novelty Pencil from the Keswick Pencil Museum in Ben Wheatley's Sightseers:

Bruce McDonald's Cowboy hat is equally inanimate and yet has far greater stature than the Giant Novelty Pencil from the Keswikc Pencil Museum. It has a quiet dignity that we can all admire. It could easily contain the Midnight Madness blog's isopod and at least distract the chicken. The only real challenge to the hat is Joe Swanberg. Will Swanberg's acting skills allow him to successfully wear the hat--or will the cowboy hat seem to wear him?

The hat isn't in Bruce McDonald's Hellions, but you can feel its presence... 

Friday, September 18, 2015

The 2015 Vanguard Mascot Battle: Contender #2

It's that time again. The time when the most coveted award in all of TIFF is up for the taking.

We are talking about, of course, Vanguard Mascot Battle, in which several people, insects, animals and even inanimate objects compete for the coveted title of Official Vanguard Blog Mascot.


You've heard all about the chicken. Now, for our next contender...


Name: Joe Swanberg

Greetings Vanguardians!

Also known as: Dean in Lace Crater, Patrick Michaels in Proxy, Jake Williams in The Sacrament, Drake in You're Next, Kevin in A Horrible Way To Die, The First Official Vanguard Mascot.

Description: Director, actor, writer, producer, human, sweater-wearer, beer-drinker, sometimes wears a bandanna as a headband.

Joe Swanberg's bandanna is displeased with this turn of events.

Strengths: Growing facial hair, being in a lot of Vanguard and Midnight Madness films, Midwesterner.

Weaknesses: Not a giant novelty pencil. Or a mole cricket. Not a chicken.

Signature moves: Being incredibly prolific, knocking out contact lenses.

Finishing moves: Telling stories in film about women.

Men & Beer Bottles

Why Joe Swanberg would make a good replacement Vanguard Blog mascot for the Giant Novelty Pencil from the Keswick Pencil Museum in Ben Wheatley's Sightseers:

Swanberg has the legacy vote: he was the first Official Vanguard Blog Mascot back in 2013. With all of the various projects he's working on at any given time, chances are good he'll actually be in attendance at the Festival every year and can wear the crown (or carry the scepter) with pride, representing the best of Vanguard (and in some cases, Midnight Madness). Although he's not afraid to throw a punch (and he has), Swanberg prefers to let his work speak for itself, even if the language it uses is sometimes derided as Mumblecore (we're fans of the genre, if you're asking). Not wanting to limit himself, Swanberg is equally comfortable in drama, comedy, horror, and just flat-out creepy movies. Plus, he's got that facial hair thing down in this year's Lace Crater. And he's a lot taller than a chicken and more flexible than a giant novelty pencil. We assume.

LACE CRATER Screening Times:
Sun. Sept 20, 3:15PM SCOTIABANK 9

MEN & CHICKEN Screening Times:
Sun. Sept 20, 3:30 PM SCOTIABANK 1