The 2015 Vanguard Mascot Battle Winner!

It's that time again. The time when the most coveted award in all of TIFF is up for the taking.

We are talking about, of course, Vanguard Mascot Battle, in which several people, insects, animals and even inanimate objects compete for the coveted title of Official Vanguard Blog Mascot.

We're coming at you all the way from England to announce the winner. Since the Giant Novelty Pencil from the Keswick Pencil Museum from Ben Wheatley's Sightseers (GNP for short) is from England, it only made sense for me to be here so I could pay tribute to GNP before passing the torch/crown/what was it again? to the new winner. Okay, fine, I moved here for realsies, which is why you didn't see me around on the Vanguard Blog much this year. I've been busy planning out my road trip to the Pencil Museum, and other British things. Sad news bears, most definitely, but not even an ocean could keep me away from the Vanguard Mascot Battle!

My steadfast blogging colleagues (blogeagues?) graciously allowed me to do the honours of announcing the final winner and I promise you it isn't a pencil or anything remotely British. Like Paddington Bear, because that would just be silly. I did seriously consider making it a marmalade sandwich, though.

So who's it going to be? That chicken is looking like he could easily take Joe Swanberg and Bruce McDonald's cowboy hat. Have you ever seen a chicken fight? Has anyone in this family ever seen a chicken? They fight mean, man.

Then again, we can't ignore the fact that Joe Swanberg is definitely more flexible than GNP and even had a burger named after him. Basically we all want to be Joe Swanberg, but is that enough to reclaim the title of Vanguard Mascot?

And Bruce McDonald's hat—we don't have to say anything else about that because it's Bruce McDonald's hat. Duh.

Unfortunately, as with most things in life, like Highlander, there can only be one. So without further ado, may we present to you this year's Vanguard Mascot Winner:


*drumroll please*

Mads Mikkelsen's Moustache! 

AKA the Madstache.

Maybe you're all like, "Huh?" But don't deny it: in this picture of the chicken, you found yourself strangely drawn to the Madstache. It's the allure of the Madstache. The essence of the Madstache. The power of the Madstache. That's just what it does.

That and beat out cowboy hats and chickens and Joe Swanberg for coveted titles! Wham, bam, thank-you ma'am. And the children rejoiced.

That's a wrap for this year! We're already eagerly anticipating who—or what—will de-throne this glorious Madstache next year. It's gonna be good. Joe Swanberg, you have a year to grow a mustache that rivals the Madstache. God speed.

DER NACHTMAHR: Parasites In Cinema

"Pssst, do you have any Reese's Pieces?"

 If you haven't yet seen Der Nachtmahr, now's your chance. Its last screening is tonight.

What's Der Nachtmahr about you ask? The TIFF Vanguard blog is here to help!

After a wild night out, a Berlin party girl finds herself haunted by a twisted, repellent little creature that no one else can see.

Is he an alien? Is he good or evil? Is he a parasite? You'll have to see Der Nachtmahr to find out, but in the meantime we thought we'd pay our respects to some well-known (or perhaps underrated) cinematic parasites.

Parasite, 1982
Set in the nearly impossible to imagine future of 1992, when gas is $40 a gallon, this is a Charles Band production, the guy who gifted the world with the Puppet Master series as well as Evil Bong: High 5, currently in pre-production according to IMDB. Parasite not only boasts Demi Moore's first film role as "the lemon girl," it also includes former Runaway Cherie Currie as a "hooligan." You might be able to find it on YouTube; we're not sure.

Basket Case, 1982
Parasite never had a chance against Frank Henenlotter's deliriously twisted creation. Filmed in a grody and gritty pre-Guiliani New York City, and using actual residents of the seedy Times Square area, Basket Case is both funny and frightening. Duane Bradley carries his deformed conjoined twin named Belial around in a basket as they seek vengeance for the surgeon who separated them.

How To Get Ahead In Advertising, 1989
Before Mad Men's Don Draper, there was Richard E. Grant as the unfortunately named    
Denis Dimbleby Bagley, whose obsession with trying to promote a new pimple cream backfires in the most grotesque way: he develops a huge boil that becomes sentient and begins talking to him. It's delightfully and horribly hilarious.

The Bay, 2012
We couldn't talk about parasites without mentioning our favorite, the Unofficial Midnight Madness Blog Mascot: The Isopod! We first fell in love with these cuddly creatures in Barry Levinson's The Bay, which not only played at the Festival but also definitely appears in the Top Ten list of best found footage movies.

Watching Vanguard movies makes isopods hungry.

DER NACHTMAHR Final Screening!
Sun. Sept. 20, 6:00PM SCOTIABANK 14

Final Screenings! DER NACHTMAHR, EVOLUTION, MY GREAT NIGHT

Dressed for red carping in honor of Der Nachtmahr.

Still ready for some more movies on the final day of this year's Festival?

Check out these three movies, any of which should suit your Sunday night movie-watching needs.

Ain't no party like a parasite party!

DER NACHTMAHR Screening Times:
Sun. Sept. 20, 6:00PM SCOTIABANK 14

"I'm looking for isopods; have you seen any?"

EVOLUTION Screening Times:
Sun. Sept 20, 8:30PM TIFF LIGHTBOX CINEMA 2

Ready for red carping at the Peeps Choi in a red dress!

MY GREAT NIGHT Screening Times:
Sun. Sept 20, 9:00PM SCOTIABANK 14

Final Screenings! THE MISSING GIRL, LACE CRATER, MEN & CHICKEN

Don't be a Sad Mads. Catch an afternoon screening of a Vanguard film!

Welp, it's the last day of the Festival and you still want to see some films.

Might we suggest the following Vanguard titles as good choices? Any of these would be a great way to spend your Sunday afternoon.

WE HAVE TWO TICKETS TO THE MISSING GIRL! Praise The Maker!

THE MISSING GIRL Final Screening:
Sun. Sept 20, 2:30PM SCOTIABANK 4

"Hello, can you tell me if the Official Vanguard Blog Mascot for 2015 has been announced yet?"

LACE CRATER Final Screening:
Sun. Sept 20, 3:15PM SCOTIABANK 9

Run like the wind! It's the final screening of Men & Chicken!

MEN & CHICKEN Final Screening:
Sun. Sept 20, 3:30 PM SCOTIABANK 1

MEN & CHICKEN: Anders Thomas Jensen Director Profile

Did you know that Anders Thomas Jensen is one of the filmmaking community's most prolific screenwriters? It's true!

Go check out his IMDB profile. We'll wait.

See what we mean? Since 1996 he's written 50 screenplays. That's like, a LOT of screenplays.

Some of these scripts have been for hugely successful and/or critically acclaimed films: Mifune's Last Song, In China They Eat Dogs, Open Hearts, Stealing Rembrandt, and Brothers. Several of these films have been directed by Danish dynamo Susanne Bier. More recently Jensen wrote A Second Chance (with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Kristian Levring's epic Western The Salvation (with Mads Mikkelsen, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and Eva Green).

Although Jensen has only directed four of his own screenplays, that doesn't mean that those four movies are any less wonderful.

All right boys, we're gonna swim the HELL out of this lake!

Flickering Lights sets the stage for Jensen's ability to elicit empathy towards the most screwed up, unlikable characters you can imagine. It's also terrifically funny and touching, but not maudlin or cliché.

Mads Mikkelsen's very bald forehead just needs a few minutes to collect itself.

The Green Butchers was Jensen's next directorial effort and like Flickering Lights, itincludes Mads Mikkelsen, Nikolaj Lie Kaas, Ole Thestrup, and Nicolas Bro. And nothing on the menu is vegetarian.

Hannibal Lecter is amused by your cannibal references.

Did you eat the last cookie?

Adam's Apples, again starring Mikkelsen, Thestrup, Bro, and Kaas, is another movie about severely dysfunctional people led by a dysfunctional pastor whose dysfunction is literally the only thing keeping them all from complete mental breakdowns. It's a whole lot funnier than it probably sounds and again, is surprisingly poignant.

The cheese will never stand alone if these three have anything to say about it.

Men & Chicken takes the same Jensen trademarks and amps them up to become even crazier and more hilarious and perhaps most shocking of all, genuinely heartwarming.

Don't miss Men & Chicken's final screening. It's a movie you won't soon forget. Trust us. We know these things.

MEN & CHICKEN Final Screening!
Sun. Sept 20, 3:30 PM SCOTIABANK 1

MEN & CHICKEN: More Madstache Movies

I brought you some cheese. And a sparkler. And my moustache.

Fearless Vanguarder and Midnight Madness Maven Carol Borden has taken you on a trip through the cinematic context of what we now refer to as "The Madstache." Now, we will guide your journey down Madstache Memory Lane.

Flickering Lights, 2000: You talkin' to me? Or you talkin' to my moustache?

King Arthur, 2004: Bonus Beard & Falcon! Which is the falcon & which is Mads? Only his hairdresser knows for sure.

Adam's Apples, 2005: It's OK. My moustache will protect you. Failing that, you have a gun.

Flame & Citroen, 2008: It still counts as a moustache, Sam Elliott. IT STILL COUNTS.

Coco & Igor , 2009: Why yes, this is a dapper moustache. Did you know I composed The Rites of Spring?

Valhalla Rising, 2009: I may only have one functioning eye and no dialogue, but my moustache game is strong.

Clash of the TItans, 2010: Release the Kraken? My moustache, beard & bonus braid are aghast at the thought.

The Three Musketeers, 2011: I am a proud Spanish peacock. What is haggis?

Age of Uprising: The Legend of Michael Kohlhaas, 2013: That's a mouthful. Just look at the moustache, OK?

The Salvation, 2014: Whatevs. At least I didn't lose an eye this time.

MEN & CHICKEN Final Screening!
Sun. Sept 20, 3:30 PM SCOTIABANK 1

NO MEN BEYOND THIS POINT: Five Fave Mockumentaries

Look at all of those moustaches!

Have you seen No Men Beyond This Point? No? Well, the good news is that there is one more screening.

It's a mockumentary about asexual women and a dwindling population of men, directed by Mark Sawers. As such, it nestles snugly into the great pantheon of mockumentaries. Here are five more of our faves.

Man with a movie camera.

David Holzman's Diary, 1967
This is quite possibly the first mockumentary. It stars L.M. Kit Carson as David and tells the autobiographical story of a filmmaker who wishes to document his life, love interest (played by a pre-The Exorcist Eileen Dietz), as well as his fears about being drafted into the Vietnam War. It's so underplayed that viewers frequently don't even realize the fictional conceit until the very last scenes.

Derek Smalls tries to get a novelty pencil past airport security.

This Is Spinal Tap, 1984
Perhaps the most well-known and most beloved of all mockumentaries, this Rob Reiner film follows the titular band on an odyssey that involves cold sores, shit sandwiches, the little people of Stonehenge, amps that go to 11, and exploding drummers. As if we didn't already know this is a perfect film, the Library of Congress selected the film for preservation in 2002 for it cultural, historical, and aesthetic significance.

I guess they'll never know how a young heart really feels.

Best In Show, 2000
Perhaps inspired by This Is Spinal Tap, Christopher Guest (a.k.a. Nigel Tufnel) wrote, directed, and acted in this parody of the crazy, cutthroat world of dog show competitions. Michael McKean also appears as the flamboyant Stefan Vanderhoof, while Guest provides a hilarious, low-key performance as Harlan Pepper. Never forget that Pine nut is a nut, but it's also the name of a town.

Contemplating a business plan for Frankie Wilde Hummus.

It's All Gone Pete Tong, 2004
This Canadian film (which played at the Festival) is named after Cockney rhyming slang for "it's all gone wrong" and had me fooled into thinking that Frankie Wilde was a real person. Starring the delightfully zany Paul Kaye (a.k.a. Dennis Pennis from The Sunday Show) as Wilde, the film explores what happens to a BBC Radio 1 DJ when he loses his hearing and was filmed entirely in Ibiza, the natural habitat of all truly world class DJs.

"Hello ladies."

What We Do In The Shadows, 2014
This Midnight Madness Peoples Choice Award winner from last year was my favorite movie of 2014, even beating out Godzilla (as much as I love that giant lizard, it's hard to beat bat fights and "that guy from Twilight," come on). A remarkable, improvisational collaboration between Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement, it spoofs every vampire cliché imaginable (and a few that no one had yet thought of) and is genuinely, gut-bustingly hilarious and a little bit creepy (thanks to Petyr).

NO MEN BEYOND THIS POINT FINAL SCREENING:
Sat. Sept 19, 9:30PM SCOTIABANK 10

NO MEN BEYOND THIS POINT: Five Films About Planets Of Women

Hot yoga class to start your morning off right!

Mark Sawers is a Canadian director who's been in the film industry for a couple of decades, starting off in the 1990s with iconic TV series The Kids in the Hall (it's on my personal Top Ten list of Bestest TV Shows Evar) and moving on through a variety of projects on the small(er) screen as well as 2012's feature Camera Shy.

His latest, No Men Beyond This Point, is screening at Vanguard.

This wry mockumentary from Vancouver director Mark Sawers envisions a world where women have become asexual and are no longer giving birth to males, and where the dwindling population of men are desperate to reclaim their place in the sun.

The list of films about planets of women is kind of staggering and we know that as the end of the Festival approaches, your brains are overwhelmed, so we picked five films to highlight as possible inspirations for No Men Beyond This Point.

Behold my shoulder pads OF DOOM!

Amazon Women of the Moon, 1987
Itself a satire of late night reruns of B-movies, Amazon Women On The Moon presents a series of loosely connected comic sketches, one of which includes a planet of women. Hence the title. In the titular segment of the film, Sybil Danning portrays the imposing Queen Lara.

The planet of prehistoric women takes puka shells to the next level.

Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women, 1968
If you've ever wished for be-ascotted director Peter Bogdanovich and 1950s sexpot Mamie Van Doren to team up, you're in luck! Credited to director "Derek Thomas," this film was a Roger Corman production (big surprise) that added ten minutes and English dubbing to a Russian sci fi film called Storm Clouds of Venus. According to Bogdanovich, Corman asked him to shoot the additional footage because "AIP won't buy it unless we stick some women in it."

That's CENTAURIAN, not CENTURIAN.

Women of the Prehistoric Planet, 1966
This movie should not be confused with Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women OR Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet, OK? These are all vastly different movies! Now that it's been settled... Arthur C. Pierce (writer of the peerless The Human Duplicators) directed this film about human astronauts rescuing a race of Centaurians after their home planet was destroyed for unknown reasons. Look, all you have to know about this movie are two things: John Agar and Mystery Science Theater 3000, Season One.

Earthlings cower in terror at MAN WITH THE HEAD OF A BEAST.

Fire Maidens Of Outer Space, 1956
A team of male astronauts visit the 13th moon of Jupiter (which wasn't actually discovered until 1974) after signs of life are discovered and find a bunch of dancing women clad in diaphanous gowns, a.k.a. the remaining citizens of the colony of New Atlantis. The colony is threatened by "the man with the head of a beast," and the astronauts defeat him and save the day, promising to send "husbands" back to the planet once they return to Earth. (No mention of La-Z-Boy recliners, though.) Like Women of the Prehistoric Planet, the film was famously spoofed on Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Not Star Trek, but an amazing simulacrum.

Planet Earth, 1974
The shortest movie title on this list is no less important. John Saxon stars in this post-apocalyptic tale of Earth set in the year 2133. It's actually a made-for-TV movie written by Gene Rodenberry, so you know it is quality. Saxon is Dylan Hunt, member of PAX, a group tasked with bringing back civilization and peace to the planet through science. During the course of a mission, PAX meets an Amazon-inspired society called the Confederacy of Ruth, which enslaves men (who are referred to as "dinks" - I'm not even making this up). Trouble ensues.

Be sure not to miss the final screening of No Men Beyond This Point! And don't refer to them as dinks, please. Think of the children.

NO MEN BEYOND THIS POINT Screening Times:
Sat. Sept 19, 9:30PM SCOTIABANK 10

The 2015 Vanguard Mascot Battle: Contender #2

It's that time again. The time when the most coveted award in all of TIFF is up for the taking.

We are talking about, of course, Vanguard Mascot Battle, in which several people, insects, animals and even inanimate objects compete for the coveted title of Official Vanguard Blog Mascot.

You've heard all about the chicken. Now, for our next contender...


Name: Joe Swanberg

Greetings Vanguardians!

Also known as: Dean in Lace Crater, Patrick Michaels in Proxy, Jake Williams in The Sacrament, Drake in You're Next, Kevin in A Horrible Way To Die, The First Official Vanguard Mascot.

Description: Director, actor, writer, producer, human, sweater-wearer, beer-drinker, sometimes wears a bandanna as a headband.

Joe Swanberg's bandanna is displeased with this turn of events.

Strengths: Growing facial hair, being in a lot of Vanguard and Midnight Madness films, Midwesterner.

Weaknesses: Not a giant novelty pencil. Or a mole cricket. Not a chicken.

Signature moves: Being incredibly prolific, knocking out contact lenses.

Finishing moves: Telling stories in film about women.

Men & Beer Bottles

Why Joe Swanberg would make a good replacement Vanguard Blog mascot for the Giant Novelty Pencil from the Keswick Pencil Museum in Ben Wheatley's Sightseers:

Swanberg has the legacy vote: he was the first Official Vanguard Blog Mascot back in 2013. With all of the various projects he's working on at any given time, chances are good he'll actually be in attendance at the Festival every year and can wear the crown (or carry the scepter) with pride, representing the best of Vanguard (and in some cases, Midnight Madness). Although he's not afraid to throw a punch (and he has), Swanberg prefers to let his work speak for itself, even if the language it uses is sometimes derided as Mumblecore (we're fans of the genre, if you're asking). Not wanting to limit himself, Swanberg is equally comfortable in drama, comedy, horror, and just flat-out creepy movies. Plus, he's got that facial hair thing down in this year's Lace Crater. And he's a lot taller than a chicken and more flexible than a giant novelty pencil. We assume.

LACE CRATER Screening Times:
Sun. Sept 20, 3:15PM SCOTIABANK 9

MEN & CHICKEN Screening Times:
Sun. Sept 20, 3:30 PM SCOTIABANK 1