The 2015 Vanguard Mascot Battle: Contender #2

It's that time again. The time when the most coveted award in all of TIFF is up for the taking.

We are talking about, of course, Vanguard Mascot Battle, in which several people, insects, animals and even inanimate objects compete for the coveted title of Official Vanguard Blog Mascot.

You've heard all about the chicken. Now, for our next contender...


Name: Joe Swanberg

Greetings Vanguardians!

Also known as: Dean in Lace Crater, Patrick Michaels in Proxy, Jake Williams in The Sacrament, Drake in You're Next, Kevin in A Horrible Way To Die, The First Official Vanguard Mascot.

Description: Director, actor, writer, producer, human, sweater-wearer, beer-drinker, sometimes wears a bandanna as a headband.

Joe Swanberg's bandanna is displeased with this turn of events.

Strengths: Growing facial hair, being in a lot of Vanguard and Midnight Madness films, Midwesterner.

Weaknesses: Not a giant novelty pencil. Or a mole cricket. Not a chicken.

Signature moves: Being incredibly prolific, knocking out contact lenses.

Finishing moves: Telling stories in film about women.

Men & Beer Bottles

Why Joe Swanberg would make a good replacement Vanguard Blog mascot for the Giant Novelty Pencil from the Keswick Pencil Museum in Ben Wheatley's Sightseers:

Swanberg has the legacy vote: he was the first Official Vanguard Blog Mascot back in 2013. With all of the various projects he's working on at any given time, chances are good he'll actually be in attendance at the Festival every year and can wear the crown (or carry the scepter) with pride, representing the best of Vanguard (and in some cases, Midnight Madness). Although he's not afraid to throw a punch (and he has), Swanberg prefers to let his work speak for itself, even if the language it uses is sometimes derided as Mumblecore (we're fans of the genre, if you're asking). Not wanting to limit himself, Swanberg is equally comfortable in drama, comedy, horror, and just flat-out creepy movies. Plus, he's got that facial hair thing down in this year's Lace Crater. And he's a lot taller than a chicken and more flexible than a giant novelty pencil. We assume.

LACE CRATER Screening Times:
Sun. Sept 20, 3:15PM SCOTIABANK 9

MEN & CHICKEN Screening Times:
Sun. Sept 20, 3:30 PM SCOTIABANK 1

The Vanguard Blog Mascot Battle Winner Announcement!

Well jabrones, it's been a harrowing few days. We dropped Benson, Moorhead, and the mole cricket on an island with nothing but a match, a rubber band, a party size bag of M&Ms (plain, if you're curious), and a bowling ball and set them loose in a battle...TO THE DEATH. Okay, not actually. But only because that would be really, really expensive. We mean, as much as we here at the Vanguard Blog would love to just be dropping directors and insects on islands left and right, we have our expenses to think about. Cats too. Children and significant others? Maybe.

Enough shenanigans! It's time—finally—to announce the winner of the 2014 Vanguard Blog Mascot Battle. Who will come out on top?! Why do we still not know the best breed of cat for lifting?! Why does the mole cricket look so adorable in his boxing gloves? At least one of these questions we can answer and we will do it right now! RIGHT EFFIN' NOW!

But first, let's recap our intrepid contenders. You know, to draw this out as much as possible.

Justin Benson is apparently a respectable skateboarder and we're pretty sure he told us he also does yoga. Does he have what it takes to knock the other contenders out of the running?! DO THOSE TOWEL CONSERVING SKILLZ REALLY PAY THE BILLZ?! 

While we admire Aaron Moorhead's ability to put on sunglasses whilst lifting cats, we wonder how he held up in this battle to the death. Maybe the age old question of "cat versus towels: which is better?" will finally be answered! 

The mole cricket is just so damn cute. Lookit those boxing gloves! Ehehehehehehhehehehehehe. \

Or maybe last year's victor, Joe Swanberg, will somehow use his unstoppable charisma to reach all the way from Chicago and snatch the title back?! It's anyone's game at this point. Do you have any idea who will come out the victor?!? Neither do we! Oh, yeah. Wait, yes we do. The winner of the 2014 Vanguard Blog Mascot Battle is....

 ...a pencil?! A giant novelty pencil? Wait, but that's no ordinary giant novelty pencil. That, friends, is the giant novelty pencil from the Keswick Pencil Museum in Sightseers! How did this happen, you say? Sightseers was from 2012, you say?! Can a pencil even win things, you say?! Listen, that giant novelty pencil transcends all space and time and is also super practical, because you can write notes with it, use it as a weapon, maybe even a door stop. Tina and Poppy understand where we're coming from, right guys?

Seriously, what could be better than that pencil?! 

This has been the 2014 Vanguard Blog Mascot Battle. Congrats to all of our contenders but, sorry, not sorry, this pencil is really rad and we wish we had one and doesn't it look great in a crown? Deal with it. AND IN ONE YEAR WE WILL RETURN WITH THE NEXT VANGUARD BLOG MASCOT BATTLE. EXCELSIOR!

(PS - if anyone were to know of the location of such a glorious pencil (and not one of those barely larger than normal sized ones Amazon sells, pfft, please inform Siân immediately. Thank you.)