Thursday, September 17, 2015

The 2015 Vanguard Mascot Battle: Contender #1

Boom! Sparkles! Sparkles! Sparkles!

It's that time again. The time when the most coveted award in all of TIFF is up for the taking.

We are talking about, of course, Vanguard Mascot Battle, in which several people, insects, animals and even inanimate objects compete for the coveted title of Official Vanguard Blog Mascot.

Sure, the Midnight Madness blog makes do with an unofficial mascot, the giant isopod. But here at Vanguard, we like to do things right--with a no holds barred battle.

And this year, there is an obvious choice for Vanguard Mascot, one candidate who has won our hearts...

That's right, this chicken from Men & Chicken.

Name: Chicken

Also known as: Gallus gallus domesticus; "Red Junglefowl"; "Winner Winner Chicken Dinner"

Description: Chicken.

 Strengths: Scratching; Pecking; Terrifying Werner Herzog.

Weaknesses: Flightless; Foxes; Hypnotism; Coyotes; Being Delicious; Curry.

 Signature moves: Scratching; Roosting; Pecking; Rooster Fist

Rooster Mo'fo'ing Fist

Finishing moves: Fostering Existential Dread; "The Enormity of their Flat Brain." (Seriously, have you seen, The Chickening?)

Why the Chicken would make a good replacement Vanguard Blog mascot for the Giant Novelty Pencil from the Keswick Pencil Museum in Ben Wheatley's Sightseers:

Chickens, like Vanguard films,  are pretty. Though he hasn't officially entered, word on the street is that Joe Swanberg is this year's Comeback Kid. He obviously produced and took a role in Lace Crater to be eligible for the title again. Well, you might be on top of the evolutionary chain now, Joe Swanberg, and this chicken might only be in one movie, but chickens remember a time when things were different, a time when chickens--or at least a common ancestor shared by chickens and dinosaurs--ruled the earth. At least this chicken would, if chickens had very good memories.  And this chicken is the contender most likely to be able to defeat the Midnight Madness Isopod mascot, if it came to a thrown down because, 1) DINOSAURS, Jabronis; and, 2) The Terrifying Power of Existential Dread.

MEN & CHICKEN Final Screening:
Sun. Sept 20, 3:30 PM SCOTIABANK 1

LACE CRATER Screening Times:
Thu. Sept 17, 9:30PM SCOTIABANK 14
Sun. Sept 20, 3:15PM SCOTIABANK 9

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